MISSED THE BOAT

So, it's been awhile. I said from the beginning I didn't know how much I'd use this thing; and now that I have a job I don't have 24 free hours every day. Oooh, employment.

It's been an interesting couple weeks processing some stuff - and baking in the sun every afternoon - but it's been good. Good times with friends. Good times at work. Good times at church. And finally, I feel like I know that this is where I am supposed to be. I had a pretty good idea over the last year or so that I needed to get home - to be completely honest, I was starting to hate who I was turning into, and getting almost scared seeing the roads things could have followed - but at the same time I wasn't really positive that I was supposed to be home. It's so easy to fall into this trap of nonsense in LA and Malibu and OC. And it's even easier to write that stuff off as "being young" or "being in college." At least it was for me. By the end of it, I was just sick of it. This coming from someone who always says that I do me, for better or worse, take it or leave it. And while that brings up stuff I would rather ignore and push aside, I'm going with it. And as usual, there's a song on loop in my head relating to all of this. Call it lame, call it cliche, whatever. It is what it is.




While we're on the subject, could we change the subject now?
I was knocking on your ear's door, but you were always out
Looking towards the future, we were begging for the past
Well we know we had the good things but those never seemed to last
Oh please, just last
Everyone's unhappy, everyone's ashamed
Well we all just got caught looking at somebody else's page
Well nothing ever went quite exactly as we planned
Our ideas held no water, but we used them like a dam

Oh and we carried it all so well
As if we got a new position
Oh and I'll laugh all the way to hell
Saying, "yes this is a fine promotion"
Oh and I'll laugh all the way to hell

Of course everyone goes crazy over such and such and such
We made ourselves a pillar, we just used it as a crutch
We were certainly uncertain, at least I'm pretty sure I am
Well we didn't need the water, but we just built that good goddamn

Oh and I know this of myself
I assume as much for other people
Oh and I know this of myself
We've listened to more of life's end gong than the sound of life's sweet bells
Was it ever worth it was there all that much to gain
Well we knew we'd missed the boat and we'd already missed the plane
We didn't read the invite we just danced at our own wake
All our favorites were playing so we could shake shake shake shake shake
Tiny curtains opened and we heard the tiny clap of little hands
A tiny man would tell a little joke and get a tiny laugh from all them folks
And drifting around on bubbles and thinking it was us that carried them
When we finally got it figured out that we'd truly missed the boat

Oh and we carried it off so well
As if we got a new position
Oh and we own all the tools ourselves
Without the skills to make a show with
Oh what useless tools ourselves