I WILL PRAISE YOU IN THIS STORM

At this point, prayer, faith, and trust are all we have. Please keep praying. It's so powerful. Love you, Mo.

I was sure by now, God
That You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say amen
And it's still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
And raised me up again
My strength is almost gone how can I carry on
If I can't find You
And as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
The God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes into the hills
Where does my help come from
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

THAT IS WHAT IT'S ABOUT

As mentioned previously, it seems the majority of my friends have determined this month to be the beginning of wedding season. And as such, this past weekend was spent with 14 of us in Vegas for Michael's bachelor party. Now, for those that know our group of friends, they know that we don't really have any interest in strippers and the like at all, so we didn't have your typical "bachelor weekend in Vegas." We did, however, have a weekend that wouldn't surprise anyone that knows us in the least. Long-story-short, it was madness. And SO MUCH FUN. Beyond the inebriated insanity that is Vegas, it was the first time in quite awhile that we had all of us (save Kohl) together again. So, we celebrated as such.

But that's not really the point of this. Not here to tell crazy stories, and it has nothing to do with the "what happens in Vegas..." mantra. That's nonsense and everyone knows it. No matter how much you want to believe it. The only time that holds true is when you are literally too trashed to remember. So I guess you can go with that.

Anyways, the point of this is the fellowship factor that we all had back in our lives for 72 or so hours. That sounds almost trivial, using the word fellowship to describe a weekend in Vegas, but I mean it. Yes, we had our fun, and did plenty of dumbass things that had people shaking their heads. But we did it together. Like we used too in the Martin's garage or on the streets of Phoenix every single weekend when we were younger.

What stuck most with me this weekend was Michael's bachelor dinner. We spent it on a patio sitting over the strip, sharing drinks and food and stories from the past, just enjoying each other's company. Towards the end, Michael's dad Dennis had some things to say to both Michael, and the group as a whole, and it ended up being my favorite part of the weekend.

You see, Dennis is basically like another dad to me, and the Martin's another family. About the time I met them, 12 or so years ago, Michael's older brother had just passed away. And somehow, over the years as Michael and I became best friends, I also became his brother. I think I spent the night at his house every single weekend I was in the state of Arizona for about four straight years. No lie. And now he's getting married. It's crazy. I love him, I love Dennis and their family, and they love me like their own. After Dennis' speech he grabbed both Michael and I, and we just hugged for a long time and, if we're being honest, we all teared up. One of those indescribeable moments in life that words do no justice. But what struck me just as much was the way Dennis closed. He had spent the last few minutes mentioning all the things that he has loved over the past bunch of years, and his last was for whatever reason just so simply profound to me -

"...and I've always loved cigars. And the reason I love them so much is that they force us to sit down and just be with one another."

And for us, that is what it's all about. What it always comes back to. Michael is the one getting married, but in a way, even this we're doing together. Always together.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE MYSELF BELIEVE

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
'Cause they fill the open air,
And leave teardrops everywhere
You'd think me rude, but I would just stand and... stare

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

'Cause I get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs
As they try to teach me how to dance
A foxtrot above my head,
A sock hop beneath my bed,
A disco ball is just hanging by a thread

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

Leave my door open just a crack
(Please take me away from here)
'Cause I feel like such an insomniac
(Please take me away from here)
Why do I tire of counting sheep?
(Please take me away from here)
When I'm far too tired to fall asleep

To ten million fireflies
I'm weird 'cause I hate good-byes
I got misty eyes as they said farewell
But I'll know where several are
If my dreams get real bizarre
'Cause I saved a few and I keep them in a jar

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems

I'd like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

HELLO, OCTOBER

As you know, unless you live in a cave, October is here. And that means fall is too. It's my favorite time of the year for a variety of reasons, and this year is no different. Well, it kind of is, being that apparently the cool thing to do this fall is get married. Not me though. Maybe I'm just not a cool kid. Whatever. Anyways, it doesn't make fall any less fantastic. Amazing weather, birthdays and Thanksgiving (and weddings), football, prime time golf season, playoff baseball, basketball coming back, and only a few more weeks until my rib is supposedly undislocated (located? relocated? I need help here). I love it. It was 60 degrees when I woke up this morning. Huh?

But as much as I love fall, I am kind of weary regarding this one. Stoked for sure, but unsure as well. Like in Missed the Boat: "certainly uncertain, at least I'm pretty sure I am." For me, I get the feeling that this is going to be a big fall (the season, not a plunge). I think it could be a turning point. Yeah, I graduated a few months ago, and most consider that the proverbial turning point. But for me, I feel differently. I've been home a few months now, and I don't need to rehash how much I love it. It's been great to slow down and get back into things here. Relationships, routine... just life here. But I think that it has kind of made me stagnant to a point, as well. Kind of like being in a big game or something - Are you just happy to be there, or are you going to make something of it? I think it might be time to start making something of it. Not that I haven't been, so I guess this analogy kind of fails. But time to not just be complacent being here, I guess. The plan was law school next year, but a wrench got thrown in that recently, so I have no idea. Right about that time, though, I was given what may turn out to be one of the bigger opportunities of my life. It's a long long loooooong shot, but it's something, so we will just leave it at that for now. And last night I took the first step down what could be quite the road.

To be honest, though - it scares the hell out of me. What if it doesn't happen? What's the plan then? Or what if it does? That would bring about a thousand new questions and logistical nightmares to my life. And what the hell do I do in the mean time? It could be awhile either way. Do I pursue this or that? Do I put myself on the line in a relationship or situation without knowing even a likely outcome of the bigger picture? Do I even spend time hoping someone might put themselves on the line with me? Why don't you just say something already?

Freaking 18 questions at a time. I have quite the dilemma - wanting to move forward and have things grow, without knowing if or when things are going to change again. It makes the complacency a lot easier. Even for someone prone to taking risks like me.

What's up, October? What's up, fall? What's up, life? Bring it.