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NOT AT ALL

“I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.”

- Anne Lamott

I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN FUTURES

"What matters is what hasn't been. Hey now, we're wide awake and we're thinking, my darling... Say hello to good times; trade up for the fast ride."

- Jimmy Eat World, Futures

SUPPOSE YOU DID

You ever have one of those moments where you read something, or see something, and wish it was meant just for you, except that you're thinking there's only 0.31% chance that it is? Maybe it's meant for someone else, or maybe no one in particular. But it's exactly what you want to hear, and need to hear... That if somehow it was for you, it's all you'd need to be sure. Funny how life works.

One of the best songs I've ever heard.



You close your eyes and kiss your hand then you blow it
But it isn't meant for me, and I notice
If the choice was ours alone,
Then why'd we both choose letting go?
Does it end like this?

Time never had a chance to heal your heart
Just a number always counting down to a new start
If you always knew the truth
Then the world would spin around you
Are you dizzy yet?

Respectfully, so honestly I'm calling out
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?
Back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment
When your eyes meet mine, we show it off

All talk and not a lot to think, we were living dreams
And shame never crept close to our naked feet
If there's something left to lose,
Then don't let me wear out my shoes
I'm still walking

I tried, but it rang and rang, I called all night
On a payphone, remember those from another life?
If everything I meant to you,
You can lick and seal then fold in two
Then I've been so blind

Oh, oh take it all back, take your first, your last and only
Oh, oh take it all back, take it all back, everything you showed me
Oh, oh this must be how it feels when the feeling goes

I told you as I hovered, I never felt this way
You said I have the shot that stops my clock
Baby, it's okay
You said you'd never have regrets
Jesus, is there someone yet who got that wish?
Did you get yours, babe?

Respectfully, some honesty I'm asking now
Do you hear the conversation we talk about?
Back away to the safety of a quiet house
If there's half a chance in this moment
When your eyes meet mine, we show it off

THE MOON MAN

I be that man on the moon
I'm that man on the moon
And I'ma do what I do, so
Do you, hey hey
I be posted with my blunt and a brew, my dude
I'm that man on the moon
I'm up, up on the moon

WHERE'S THE BEYOND SECTION?

Yesterday, Jeffe moved home. For those unfamiliar, Jeffe is my younger brother. He is much like myself in that we do ridiculous, shameless things, regardless of who's around or what's going on. A lot. Pants off-dance off? Sure. Streaking through Desert Ridge in Mickey Mouse gloves and a Fantasia hat? Yep, I got that. Peeing on Obama posters in the store? You can just about chalk that up to the grasshopper. Basically, you can plan on the unplanned if you catch us in the right mood. Yesterday was one of those days.

With Jeff moving home, I got a new bed. A new, COMFY bed. I don't think I've ever slept so well in my life. But the new bed needed sheets, so we had to go to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. They have comfy things in that place, and one of them happened to be a cage full of those fluffy throw pillows. Of course, within three seconds of seeing it, Jeffe is in the damn thing. And I mean IN. He disappeared. And it's not like he was wiggling his way further into the pillows. Anyways, it took five minutes and a pulled hamstring to get him out. With the store attendant standing there just staring at us. And of course when we finally got him out, she asks the requisite "Can I help you guys?" Jeffe's response? "Yeah, where's the beyond section?"

Welcome to my life.

HANGING ON MY WALL

"One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain."

- Bob Marley

AND THEN SUDDENLY, IT WAS BACK

I could not be more excited. No way; no how. The Saints are coming.

STICK TO YOUR GUNS

For any of you that haven't been to Arizona recently, we have this new thing where we put cameras on pretty much every remotely busy intersection in the entire effing greater-Phoenix area. It's super cool. Except not. At all. I'm pretty sure there's a camera for every driver in the state at this point, and it's all just a cash grab by the various little suburbs of our wonderful Valley. It's horse shit.

Some night in early July, I got 'flashed' for supposedly running a red light at Hayden and Indian School in Scottsdale. I have never gotten a ticket in my life, and fancy myself a good driver, so I was a little pissed off to say the least. When the ticket came a couple weeks later it had all the little details including this fun little number: I had fully passed the cross walk and proceeded into the intersection 0.1 seconds after the light turned red. Going a couple under the speed limit. Point #1 - Don't you think if I thought I was going to be remotely close to running the light, I would have picked up the pace a little bit? Do you really think I would have cruised through going under the speed limit? I will speed in your city the rest of my life, Scottsdale, because that 4.3 seconds of yellow required by law definitely was NOT there. I don't give a damn what your computer says. It wasn't. Watch the video you sent me the link to and honestly tell me I was endangering anyone in a COMPLETELY DESERTED INTERSECTION 0.1 SECONDS AFTER A LIGHT TURNED RED. I must be the most aggressive driver on the planet. Point #2 - Learn how to paint a damn crosswalk. Supposedly, it's supposed to be an extension of the accompanying curb. You know, according to your laws and just like every other place in the world. And if you're passed the curb (crosswalk line) when the light turns red (and most likely a tenth of a second afterward), you didn't run the light. Unless you're in Scottsdale, apparently. You should treat one of your native sons better, dumb ass city. From now on, I will be from Phoenix when people ask. Scottsdale no more.

So, when this ticket shows up it says I can go to court and pay them $224, or I can go to "defensive driving school" to apparently learn how to not run red lights/get the ticket off my record. Only $195. Great. Or I can just not pay it, and take my chances of getting served. I chose the last option for about a week, before deciding my dad would inevitably screw it up and accept a ticket for me in the next four months. So, I went to driving school. Driving school, like red light and speeding cameras, is just another money grab that is absolute NONSENSE. Die, both of you. Here are a sampling of questions from my ever-important defensive driving test that supposedly saves lives by educating people -



Obviously, a key to being a good defensive driver is eating carrots. Who knew?



A telegraph machine? For real?



Hmm, imagine that.

Yes, I paid $195 for this. And the best part, there are about 20 different sections of the test with questions like this. It takes all of 12 seconds to answer the three or four questions at the end of a section - without reading the section, I might add - so you would think it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. Except that you have to spend an arbitrary amount of time "studying" their supposedly pertinent tidbits to driving safety. Take 12 seconds to answer common sense questions that my dog could answer... wait 13 minutes and 48 seconds until I can move on to the next section. Take 23 seconds to answer common sense questions that your dog could answer... wait 18 minutes and 37 seconds til the next awesome section. For. Five. Effing. Hours.

Oh, and when you get so stoked you're done with that crap and click on the link to take the "final exam" and be done? You get to print off a receipt for your local UPS Store and go pay them more money to use their computer to take the final exam while being "supervised." By the UPS man. Just in case the whole process wasn't inconvenient enough already.

Do not pay these people a dime. Make them find you and serve you; and if they do, go bitch at someone for this nonsense. Stick to your guns.

THAT SECRET THAT WE KNOW

Apparently it's September. I have no idea where the time goes. Just a couple songs for now... You know, a good way to start another month. The first is The Lime Tree by Trevor Hall - one of my ten or so favorite songs. The second is Bon Iver's Blood Bank. Tonight was the first I've ever heard it, but I love it.





I spark a match and watch the candle burn
The wick runs out and then love takes its turn
On fallen angels and broken sounds
We will last past the final round
It took awhile for you to find me
But I was hiding in the lime tree
Above the city in the rain cloud
I poked a hole and watched it drain out

And parallel to the city streets
Our broken crowns beneath our feet
But as we walk across the diamonds
We know that love is always shining
So save me love, save me all the time
I'll wash you down with a simple sip of wine
Toast my glass to all my loved ones
To let them know that the stars, well they still shine

It took awhile for you to find me
But I was hiding in the lime tree
Above the city in the rain cloud
I poked a hole and watched it drain out
It took awhile for you to find me
But I was hiding in the lime tree




Well, I met you at the blood bank
We were looking at the bags
Wondering if any of the colors
Matched any of the names we knew on the tags

You said see look it, that's yours
Stacked on top with your brother's
See how they resemble one another's
Even in their plastic little covers

And I said I know it well
That secret that you know
That you don't know how to tell
It fucks with your honor
And it teases your head
But you know that it's good, girl
Cause it's running you with red

Then the snow started falling
We were stuck out in your car
You were rubbing both my hands
Chewing on a candy bar
You said ain't this just like the present
To be showing up like this
There's a moon, waning crescent
We started to kiss

And I said I know it well
That secret that we know
That we don't know how to tell
I'm in love with your honor
I'm in love with your cheeks
What's that noise up the stairs, baby
Is that Christmas morning

And I know it well